Just Some Guy

EASIER SAID THAN DONE

2011-03-09T20:07:00.000-08:00

Everything is easier said than done, except for saying "It's easier said than done." Which is equally difficult to say and do.

On growing up...

2011-02-17T12:47:00.000-08:00

The difference between children and adults is that children spend their lives waiting for things to be different when they are grown up, and adults spend their lives pretending things are different from when they were children.

Dehydrated Horse Penis Walking Stick

2011-01-25T14:25:00.000-08:00

Here are three pictures I found when I google image searched "Dehydrated Horse Penis Walking Stick".

Who would have thought these three pictures had anything in common. Unfortunately, I never found found what I was looking for... until I changed it to "dehydrated bull penis walking stick"

Out of the mouth of babes

2010-12-24T02:06:00.000-08:00

This is a story that a five-year old French boy told me... in English.

"Do you know the juifs?" He asked me. Juif is French for Jew.
"Yes" I said.
"The juifs were in prison."
"I know," I replied, "but it wasn't because they did something wrong, it was because the leaders of the government made a bad choice."
Then he told me this story. "The daddy of Mamina (Mamina is his grandma) was a... a juif. And he was in prison but then someone said to him, come come, and he goed and he... um... escaped from prison. That's good huh."
"Yep, pretty good." I affirmed.
And then he added as an after thought. "But now he's dead anyway."

You are a wise, wise man young squire.

Reason to Survive

2010-12-09T04:06:00.000-08:00

I haven't seen or heard from you in over ninety days.
You're in some other U.S. city, in some other U.S. state.
My feet are getting tired and it's getting kind of late.

So why am I still here? Why did I come, and why am I still here?

The church is filled with people so I'm standing in the back.
We try to ignore the sermon. Just another midnight mass.
Merry Christmas, you're all sinners. What else is there to add.

So why are we all here? Why did we come, and why are we all here?

The answer gently pricks me like a spear wound in my side.
We have all come searching for some reason to survive.
But it's been over ninety days since I have seen or heard from mine...

...So why am I still here?

Post-modernism

2010-12-07T15:20:00.001-08:00

I google imaged searched "google image search"

I was disappointed that I couldn't find any pictures of actual google image searches so I just took a screen shot.

One day...

2010-11-30T15:37:00.000-08:00

One day I'll be humble enough to sincerely believe that God doesn't think that I'm better than an atheist just because I believe in him.

...that's more than I can say for the atheist.

The Heart of Human Being

2010-11-30T15:21:00.000-08:00

The sun will still be rising
The sun will go to bed
For another 7 billion years
After I am dead.

And the world will take 6.999
9999 billion less
To lose every single record
Of all that my life ever meant.

I wonder after all that time
In all expanding space
Will there ever be found anything
As lovely as your face?

And in all those empty eons
After our sun's been consumed
Will there be any conscious creature
Who understands this empty room?

So I find my knees and I find my voice
And I beg God for relief.
But the thought occurs that maybe first
I should beg God for belief.

I don't need to know the future
But I'm trying to find some peace.
And I'd like to think, after we're all dead
There might still be some living thing.

That thinks and hears and understands
Why the humans sing.
That sees and feels and understands
The heart of human being.

STOP INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY

2010-11-25T12:33:00.000-08:00

The one thing I can not stand...

2010-11-22T06:33:00.000-08:00

If there is one thing that I hate more than Gun lovers, evangelical Christians, democrats, Jews, Foreigners, Blacks, homosexuals, bisexuals, transsexuals, those otherwise sexually active, Neo-Nazis, the GOP, North Africans, and "dog people" (people that like dogs, not people that are dogs)... it's a bigot! DAMN THOSE BIGOTS!!!

Morals won't keep me warm in winter.

2010-11-21T14:04:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine was telling me how happy he is about some recent progressive trends in American society. We talked about the societal shift in America from being what one might call (euphemistically) a puritan society with stringent morals, to a morally liberated society where the only thing that isn't OK is to think that something is not OK. The major problem with morals is that they impose a sense of "rightness" or "wrongness" that can be utterly confusing. This is because, believe it or not, there is no universally accepted idea of right and wrong. In fact the terms "right" and "wrong" are merely abstract ideas like "love" and "hope"... but even worse. At least Love produces data. Love can be measured in terms of chemical reactions in the brain, increased heart rate or other physical responses. But right and wrong are based totally on personal belief and faith that a certain action or outcome is a "good" while another is "bad". We used to rely on superstition and and fear to give us a standard of right and wrong that while not universal, shared many similarities among the worlds superstitions. Fortunately increased availability of "education" has elevated scientific thought (to it's proper place as Lord and Savior) and helped us to let go of these cumbersome superstitions.

Of course it's an ongoing process and some of us are (understandably) having a hard time completely letting go of our morals. However, the fact remains that there is no universal laws by which one can "prove" scientifically that slavery is wrong or that the holocaust was either good or bad, so I think it's only a matter of time before we stop clinging to our outdated traditions and step out into the brave new world where it won't matter if we are a man or a woman... because even a woman (with all her frailty and physical inadequacy) can still give a slave orders.

Plans

2010-11-08T15:39:00.000-08:00

I think I'd like to marry a screamer. That way our kids will never know whether we are fighting or having sex.

I can't take credit for this...

2010-11-06T18:24:00.000-07:00

But I'll gladly take credit for sharing it with all of you.

DUMB VS. DUMBER #3

2010-10-26T10:02:00.000-07:00

AND THE CONTESTANTS ARE...

Beer Raising Dudes

VS.

Kissy Face Girls

OK, this one is going to be tough. They are both really dumb, I know, but the point is to vote for which one you think is dumber (or more dumb for you grammar fans out there).

Things I almost said but never said.

2010-10-24T13:21:00.000-07:00

The following is a list of things that I almost said to you but never said to you:

1. I love you.
2. I hate you.
3. Do you want to grab lunch.
4. I hope you get hit by a bus today.
5. Will you marry me, we will have beautiful children. We will name them Aurelie and Thomas. Thomas will have your hair and eyes and Aurelie will have my complexion. They will both learn to play classical instruments and put on concerts for us, and even though they will sound terrible we will applaud them and tell them they are wonderful. Aurelie will get hit by a car two weeks before her ninth birthday... BUT IT WILL ONLY BRING US CLOSER TOGETHER AS A FAMILY!
6. I'm not a rapist, I just crush a lot

The following is a list of things that I did say to you, but that you didn't hear because you were walking out the door of our apartment building:

1. Hi.

One thing I like is...

2010-10-10T14:50:00.000-07:00

When you go to post a comment on blogger and it asks you to choose an identity. It always takes me a while though, you know, to decide who I'm going to be each time I post a comment. And sometimes when I read blog posts that have a lot of comments I wonder if maybe they aren't really all the same person. The same lonely person, with nothing better to do than to talk to himself on the internet.

THOUGHTS ON WRITING:

2010-10-01T13:46:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wish you could just cut open your wrist and hold it over the page and something meaningful and intelligent and significant would come pouring out?

STOP INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY

2010-10-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

Learning sympathy... the hard way

2010-09-27T11:27:00.000-07:00

OK, so I hate it when people ask me for money. To be fair it never used to bother me and in fact I gave them money pretty often, but then I moved to a bigger city with a large population of grifters. Let's call them grifters because most of them are not homeless and they are all very organized and their methods are dishonest (for example they ask you to sign a "petition" saying that you support schools for kids with handicaps and then try to get you to give them money, or once a guy "found" a ring on the ground and gave it to me cause it didn't fit him... then he wanted money). To make things worse these people are always pushy, and if you do give them money often times they will be upset that you didn't give them more. In short, people asking for money is now one of my least favorite things about the human experience.

However, one day while I was in Morroco, I decided to try being a beggar for a while. My motivation was simple, I wanted to get out of Morroco. I was two dollars short of a train ride to the the airport so I made a sign on some cardboard and sat myself down outside the train station. I thought it was going to be a sympathy building experience, that I would better understand our homeless friends, but within half an hour an old man gave me fifty cents and a young woman by the name of Yasmine had come a long and offered to pay for my entire train ticket (at this point I've made somewhere around five USD in cash and goods during a period of about thirty minutes, giving me a rough average of ten USD an hour... in Morrocco, where ten USD an hour is easily higher income than 80% of the rest of the nation). We shared a fifteen minute conversation while we road the train to where I could make my connection to get to the airport, during which time she fed me and gave me some extra change and then suggested we exchange info in case I ever came back to Morocco and I wanted a place to stay in Casa Blanca. It was too easy. It built no sympathy whatsoever.

That is until today. Months after my trip Yasmine and I had the following conversation through Facebook chat:

Yasmine:

hello

Me:

hi

Yasmine:

how are u to day

Me:

not great

hard day

Yasmine:

ok

i miss u so mutch

END CONVERSATION.

Suddenly all the random phone calls from Morocco make sense. You know the ones where your phone rings and you the number has the country code +212 and you answer and then someone is trying to speak to you in Arabic and you don't understand so they start speaking French and you still can't really understand what they're saying and then they hang up. Wait, you don't get those? Probably because you never gave your number to a Yasmine in Morocco because you felt obligated after she had fed you and bought you a train ticket.

But the important thing is that I learned that had never occurred to me. Homeless people are putting themselves out there everyday, out into a world that is a hell of a lot crazier than they are. Now I'm not saying we should go so far as to admire the courage that must take, but I am suggesting that we could all give them a little more sympathy. I know I will.

DUMB VS. DUMBER #2

2010-09-16T02:02:00.000-07:00

OK, it's been a long time since the first installment of Dumb vs. Dumber so I'll explain the rules again. I present two different groups of people that are generally accepted as stupid and we post votes in the comments of which of these groups is dumber than the other.

AND THE CONTESTANTS ARE...

Qur'an Burners

VS.

Indians

(Pictured here also burning a Qur'an)

Pearls

2010-09-16T01:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I'm an oyster and sometimes you're a bird, and sometimes
While I'm making pearls you're out flying into windows, and I think
How is it that you never see these things coming?
True I'm careful, you say too careful, well I don't know
But the thing about pearls is that they are awful patient work,
It may take months, it my take years, but
You've got to take your time to get it right.

And sometimes I'm an oyster and sometimes you're a bird, and sometimes
While I'm making pearls you're out shitting all over statues, and I ask
Why can't you keep these things to yourself?
I don't share a lot, maybe there's not a lot to share, I don't know
But the thing about pearls is that they are awful private work,
I could never really share them until they're ready, cause
you can never really show them until they're done.

And sometimes I'm an oyster and sometimes you're a bird, and sometimes
While I'm making pearls you're out swarming with your flock, and I hope
One day you'll learn to be OK on your own.
You say I don't get out much, well where is there to go, I don't know
But the thing about pearls is that they're awful lonely work, Believe me
I wish I could find something worthwhile to do
That didn't mean sitting at the bottom of the ocean by myself.

But sometimes I'm an oyster and sometimes you're a bird, and sometimes
I know you hate it when I close myself so tight, but I swear
If you ever get me open...
Then I'll die.

I wish you understood, that if I could,
I would gladly go regurgitate some worms
If it meant that I could fly.
If it meant that we'd belong,
If it meant that I could soar by your side, but sometimes,
I am an oyster,
And well the thing is...

I've got this pearl that I've been working on.

- J. S. Guy

HERE IS A FUNNY POEM THAT I WROTE A LONG TIME AGO BUT I NEVER POSTED IT BUT NOW I AM POSTING IT AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT OH AND BY THE WAY IT IS A HAIKU

2010-09-11T16:21:00.001-07:00

One, Two, Three, Four, Five
One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Se...
onetwothreefourfive

They don't make 'em like they used to.

2010-09-09T22:10:00.000-07:00

Remember when the internet was young? I do. I remember the time when email wasn't a valid form of communication and if someone picked up the phone you would get disconnected.I remember having to wait for like 10 minutes for this picture to load one line at a time.

Worth it.

While I don't miss incredibly slow loading times or phone jack modems. The glory days of the internet did have a certain wonder to them. Everything was new, everything was special, we didn't need Youtube because we could spend hours watching gifs. gifs. and mo re gifs !

Way to go Youtube. You've robbed us of our sense of wonder.

How did it get like this.

2010-09-08T12:57:00.000-07:00

I am 27.
I am a virgin.
My best friend is 5 years old.
About an hour ago I sat at the train station waiting for a train and reading Better Homes and Gardens... in French.
It wasn't actually Better Homes and Gardens, it was the French equivalent, My Garden and My Home.
Except it was French so it was actually Mon jardin et ma maison.
And I wasn't really reading it I was more like flipping through it looking at lawn tractors and wondering if any of the brands were still around.
It was the Mon jardin et ma maison from April 1975.
Sorry, "Avril, 1975."

The last time I kissed a girl was 7 weeks ago.
She was from Denmark.
We were in Morocco.
We snuck into a hotel to swim in their pool, then we went back to our hotel had a siesta on the rooftop terrace.
I told her that I believe in God and I believe that through the atonement of Jesus Christ all men can find the power to change themselves into something better than they are.
You know, reach beyond their potential, become more than the sum of their parts.
She told me she doesn't believe in God, that she thinks when you die there is nothing.
Then we made out.

About 10 years ago I was 16.
The last day of my sophomore year a friend and I decided to walk to a party.
We didn't get there until 3 AM.
The party was over.
We didn't want to walk home so we snuck into a neighboring house that was still under construction and slept in the basement.
We thought it was hilarious.
When we told our friends they thought it was crazy.
We did too.
Hilariously crazy.

The day after I kissed the Danish girl I met Sophie and Mathilde.
They were both from Marseille, France.
They were both about to start their first year of teaching physics and chemistry at middle school.
Seven weeks later I got lost trying to find their new apartment in Epinay-Sur-Sienne, a suburb of Paris.
On my way back to the train station, after giving up the search for their apartment, I passed through a neighborhood that seemed strangely familiar.
It was almost like I was back in America, like my location had suddenly changed when I had turned the corner, the way it does in dreams.
I was filled with the fear that my life was just a dream and that I could wake up at any time, only I didn't know what I would wake up to, because I had no idea how long I had been dreaming.
Then I realized that the location hadn't changed, I was just sensing the all too familiar feeling of the unfamiliar.
That was roughly two hours ago.

11 weeks ago I boarded a night bus in Paris at roughly 3:30 AM.
I fell asleep.
When I woke up I had just missed my stop.
I started walking.
Around 5 in the morning I found some grass and tried to sleep for a few hours.
After fifteen minutes an airplane woke me up, and then a girl on a bike.
I didn't think it was hilarious.
I didn't think it was that crazy either.
This type of situation seems to be occurring more often.

I am 27.
I am a virgin.
My best friend is 5 years old.
About 50 minutes ago I sat at the train station asking myself, "How did it get like this?"
"When did I start thinking all of this was normal?"
...
I don't know.
Then the train came.
I tucked the "Avril 1975" issue under my arm and boarded.

It's all the same to me...

2010-09-04T15:10:00.000-07:00

How is bisexual a sexual preference?

I guess I always thought that bisexual was more like if you were filling out a profile for a dating website and it asked if you were interested in men or interested in women, and you marked "No preference"

Rainbows

2010-06-24T09:47:00.000-07:00

I've often heard that there are a lot of different songs about rainbows, but I can only think of one.

The key to success is in how you define it.

2010-05-29T17:17:00.001-07:00

Do you ever feel like maybe all humans try to kill themselves as teenagers and only failures make it into their twenties. I think it should be a requirement for public office to prove you are capable enough to successfully commit suicide.

HOMOSEXULOL!

2010-05-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

Get it?

I'm single

2010-04-26T05:57:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to think it's because I treat dating like it's just another channel for me to create funny stories. EXAMPLE: I emailed a girl and asked her if she wanted to go dancing with some friends of mine.

Her response was thus:

im sorry. im sick. i've been throwing up :( ill text you as soon as i get better
xx

To which I replied:

sorry to hear that. is it serious or is it just like a normal everyday bulimia sort of throwing up? Just kidding. Actually, are you bulimic? If so I'll never offer to take you to dinner. That would be a waste... Anyway you missed a fun night, hope you feel better.
oo

STOP INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY

2010-04-11T23:52:00.000-07:00

More Asian Women

2010-04-01T15:29:00.000-07:00

This seems to be working. But not exactly as I intended.

My only worry now is that this blog is becoming a hub for Asian pornography. If these even are porn sites. I don't recommend clicking on them to find out.

Asian Women For Marriage!

2010-03-27T15:39:00.000-07:00

First of all, who goes to a site called Asian Women For Marriage? Secondly what is a link for Asian Women For Marriage doing on my blog? Well... I recently signed up for Google adsense. It's this thing where they put these ads on my blog and if anyone actually read this or actually clicked on advertisement links that they saw on the internet then theoretically I could make money.

I don't know how Google decided that Asian Women For Marriage would be a good fit for my blogs readers (what readers?), but I am glad they did. While I have never personally visited Asian Women For Marriage, and I really don't think that I could agree morally with a website called Asian Women For Marriage (if Asians want out of China they should earn it by being good at ice skating like Kristi Yamaguchi or by being really cute like Masi Oka [anyone who looks like a pikachu is welcome in my country]), I do think that an ad that says "Asian Women For Marriage" is very funny. I would like links that say Asian Women For Marriage to continue appearing on my blog. Therefore I have decided to use the phrase Asian Women For Marriage as often as possible in hopes that whatever they use to scan my content and assign appropriate adds will continue to put ads for Asian Women For Marriage on my blog.

Maybe I could contact Asian Women For Marriage and See If I can just put a permanent link in the side bar...

Justice

2010-03-26T19:27:00.000-07:00

The next time you think that the world is not fair remember that she:

Is going to look like this:

Take that girls. That's what you get for pretending you don't hear me when I sit next to you on the metro and say hi. I bet those ear buds aren't even connected to anything...

I've been out of school too long.

2010-03-21T18:13:00.000-07:00

I just wrote an essay for no good reason, one could even say I did it "for fun", though it's debatable that any fun was actually experienced. It's more like a rant but I call it an essay because it's 2 pages long if you double space. Too bad it will never be graded. The most entertainment it provided was that I just laughed at myself for having done it. I will publish it in it's entirety below, but take my advice and don't read the whole thing. No, really, just read this brief and quotable highlight: "Don't close your mind so tightly around the "facts" you learn that nothing else can get in."

Scientific Knowledge? I've read about that.

2010-03-20T13:05:00.000-07:00

There is an idea, an attitude towards the truth, that is commonly held. It is that we must focus in on the facts and empirical evidence in order to find the truth. That we must do equations, and test theories, and rule out all of the impossibilities in order to understand the "real truth". I take issue with this approach to knowledge.

My first issue is this approach sounds great in theory but it in practice how much knowledge does each individual gain through empirical observation and experimentation. On average, probably close to none. Most knowledge we have is based on someone else's empirical study, which is great for them but it means that in reality most people's approach to gaining knowledge and finding truth is believing what other people tell them. And how do we chose who to believe? Someone might argue that it is based on the quality of their research, how much empirical evidence they have, and whether or not their experiments are repeatable. This sounds really good. It's something that I am able vomit up easily because of my traditional education and cultural indoctrination. But let's take a moment to actually think about this.

Plate tectonics. It's widely accepted that the earth's crust is made up of many different "plates" or sections of crust that move and interact with one another. I personally hold this same belief. I don't know if it is considered scientific fact yet, but it's probably close. However, neither I or anyone I know has ever personally conducted any experiments or collected any empirical evidence to support this theory. Nor do I actually know from personal experience whether any of the scientists who claim to have conducted experiments and collected empirical evidence followed acceptable scientific principles. I did read about the evidence in a book and I believed it was true, cause why would whoever wrote that book lie to me. But the point is that if I have knowledge about the "truth" of tectonic plates it came from choosing to believe something I read, which was written by a stranger who chose to believe something he read, which was written by a stranger who actually observed something (and hopefully he's not an idiot or a liar because we all believe him).

For me personally this same example applies to evolution, carbon dating, the big bang theory, the position of our solar system in the galaxy, global warming, and the health benefits of washing your hands after wiping (this may seem self-evident but the point is that it is something that I have no scientific proof of personally, besides "self-evident" is not the same as empirically proven) the list of things I have never personally proven goes on and on and on. And I consider myself more educated (and intelligent, though those things are not necessarily correlated) than 90% percent of the billions of people on this planet. So, in practice this is a faith based knowledge system. We have faith that who ever is doing the science is doing it right and telling us the truth as far as they have empirically discovered it.

Another problem I have is that this approach relies on the assumption that the universe can eventually (through enough tests and experiments) be reduced to actual comprehensible and measurable realities. I do not share this belief. The truth is everything, and we can never hope to understand it until we open ourselves to everything. The truth is not what happens 99.9999999% of the time. The truth includes that .0000001%. And multiplied throughout infinite time and space those tiny fractions add up to become not just significant, but equal to the majority (99.99 x ∞ = ∞, .01 x ∞ = ∞). In essence the truth is nothing more than an infinite list of impossibilities. And while it's good to learn things through empirical observation and experimentation (or to just believe the experiments of others) it's important that we don't close our minds so tightly around the "facts" we learn, that nothing else can get in.

WANT TO BE HAPPY? WATCH THIS!

2010-03-05T11:00:00.001-08:00

TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE

2010-03-02T12:35:00.001-08:00

Have you heard that Muslims are now using cats to blow Jews/Christians/Muslims up instead of using Muslims? Apparently they realized that the less Muslims they used to blow up Jews/Christians/Muslims they more Muslims they would have to shoot Jews/Christians/Muslims. Frankly, I'm outraged. First of all cats do not actually have 9 lives, that's just a myth. So when a cat is exploded it DIES. Dead. No more cat. And anyone who has ever been to icanhascheezburger.com knows why that is tragic.

Secondly, why cats? Why not dogs? That's just cliché. Everyone always picks on cats. Try something original Islam. And lastly, Muslims should fight their own holy wars. If Allah were here he wouldn't use cats to blow up Jews/Christians/Muslims he would do it himself. But Allah isn't here, because he isn't real. And if he is so real then why can't we see him.

These pictures are funny

2010-02-23T00:36:00.000-08:00

Am I right or am I right?

DUMB VS. DUMBER #1

2010-02-20T02:00:00.001-08:00

OK, so what we're going to do here is pit two notoriously stupid groups of people against each other to see who is dumber. I will present the two contestants and you can vote which is stupider in the comments.

AND THIS WEEK'S CONTESTANTS ARE...

Rich White Girls

VS.

Poor Black Girls

Two somewhat sad side notes. First, when searching for pictures of rich white girls, google suggested the search "rich white girl names" meaning that there are enough people searching "rich white girl names" that Google assumes that is what I am probably looking for. Of course this is most likely because of all the poor black girls at the public libraries looking for names for all of their children. Not that they are tired of poor black girl names like ShaNiqua and MoNiq, they have just used them all already. The second side note is that when searching for "poor black girls" most of the pictures were either of Africans(most likely taken by white people) or of white people (even more likely to have been taken by white people). Which leads me to believe that either black people do not own cameras, or they do not have internet connections.

STOP INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY

2010-02-19T11:43:00.000-08:00

2010-02-13T04:38:00.000-08:00

This website ws pretty cool. It takes something in English and translates it to another language and then back to English. Then it does it again four more times and when it get's back to English its typically something completely different. It's kind of like the game telephone, except more fun. I don't know about you but it seems that when I've tried to play telephone as an adult the message at the end is always the same as the message at the beginning. I guess this means that either kids are just retarded, or the telephone game only works because there are little cheaters who change the message entirely just for fun (I was one of those little cheaters). Anyway, here is the result of my first test.

I think it's interesting that the only original idea that seems to have survived is suicide. Maybe killing ourselves is the universal connection that we share with all humanity.

Typical

2010-02-10T16:19:00.001-08:00

I have this thing where I take a simple question and give it a complex answer.

Ask any of my ex-girlfriends if that ever gets annoying.

China Zoo

2010-02-05T18:44:00.001-08:00

Three pictures I found by google image searching China Zoo

Letter to a friend

2010-02-04T18:48:00.000-08:00

Here is a letter I wrote to a friend. I realized that it was good advice for myself as well. Here it is... good advice for everyone.

Friend, if I teach you anything let it be to never be afraid of making a mistake because you're going to make one no matter what. And never be afraid of getting hurt because we are meant to go through this life with a broken heart. We need to be constantly be peeling off the scar tissue from our hearts so that we can stay open to the world. We are here to feel. Good and bad, we are meant to feel it all. Most habits or neurosis or addictions are developed as a way to cope with, hide from, or numb unpleasant feelings. Don't run from them. Remember: the spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit that we are the children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and joint-heirs with Christ if so be that we suffer with him, that we may also be glorified together. (Romans 8:16-17)

I guess the point is to remember that we all have a bitter cup to drink. And if we're trying to be like Jesus then we need to drink the dregs. Always give of yourself completely to everyone no matter what the Nates of the world have done (but don't cast your pearls before swine). Most of the time you'll be rejected and maybe it will never work out, but in dating as in marriage, always trying again is more important than getting it right. I call it drinking the dregs of the cup of dating... and it's hard to do. But the cup of marriage is far more sweet and far more bitter so be glad you aren't blessed with it yet.

Love you,

J.S. Guy

Autotroph

2010-01-15T00:15:00.000-08:00

If he is a predator then I am an autotroph.

He will hunt you down and pounce on you and snap your neck and devour you. And I'll just sit here turning sunlight and chemicals into carbohydrates and hoping that, one day, you will come along and devour me. But despite all of our differences we remain good friends.

I think it's because both of us are lonely.

I <3 ADRENALINE JUNKIES

2010-01-14T00:38:00.000-08:00

Thank you Facebook for this gem.

But more importantly thank you Aliyah Newman, you truly are talented and gifted.

What really amazes me is the way you seem to have broken free from all the nasty stereotypes that are made about your people.

...Oh wait, there it is.

JUST SOME GUY'S HOT TIP #5

2009-12-31T03:09:00.000-08:00

Let's face it: moving sucks. All those boxes, all that packing, all the tape and the effort and the hassle. Wouldn't it just be easier to leave all of your things in your old house and buy new things once you've moved in to a new house? Yes. It would. But some of you may be thinking, "Hold on, how can I afford all new things?" That is a good question, and it has an even better answer. HOT TIP #5 is ARSON! That's right, it's as easy as a "faulty" water heater and a good insurance policy. Perhaps you prefer a car fire in the garage. Or maybe tinfoil in the microwave is more your style. The important thing to remember is that with little to no personal effort you could be on your way to a brand new life.

Even if you haven't been planning on a move arson makes moving so easy anyone can do it. Everyone has something they want to move away from. Maybe you live in a Jewish neighborhood, or live you have some elderly parents nearby. Stop being annoyed and start living on your own terms, with arson. But wait, you say you like living where you are but you want the Jews, or the elderly parents to move? No problem. Arson can make anyone move. Better yet, wait until your elderly parents are sleeping and nail the door shut.

We both know they're just going to end up in a rest home, and who wants to deal with pesky rest home fees. Yuck! So remember, Just S. Guy's HOT TIP #5 - ARSON. It's just more convenient.

WHY WE WRITE

2009-12-31T02:05:00.000-08:00

Why do we write*?

To see and to be seen
To love and to be loved
To know and to be known
We write that we may be one.

*paint, film, sculpt, dance, sing, carve, compose, draw, photograph, etc.

I Am a Special Kind of Coward

2009-12-09T16:26:00.001-08:00

I am a special kind of coward

I have all the warm and soft bits
the bits that sing the songs,
and hug and kiss and love
and laugh laugh laugh
and do all the joyful dancing

and I have the wet and weighty bits
the bits that cry the tears
and hope and hurt and dream
and bleed bleed bleed
and do all the heavy longing

but I lack the nut-and-bolty bits
the bits that pay the bills
or earn or plan or save
or 8 to 5 to 8 to 5 to 8 to 5
or do all the busy marching

and here is where the fear begins
"the marching"
like maybe I'm just half a man
like all the juicy fleshy parts
but none of the skeleton

which is why I say I'm spineless

- J. S. Guy

I Just Can't See the Difference

2009-10-14T01:18:00.000-07:00

So what if it is Halloween?
Don't really care about Halloween.
Everybody loves Halloween
But all I see
Are people pretending to pretend to be
The things they really are.

Maybe you will see some devil girls
With devil horns, and devil tails
Or perhaps you will see a sexy cat
Or a sexy nurse, or something worse.
But there are whores on other days
That barely dress and paint their face
Bitter hearts and bitter taste
Behind a mask of perfume and lace
Their lips are red, their eyes are black
And they can't get their virginity back
Even if it is Halloween.

So what if it is Halloween?
Don't really care about Halloween.
Cause all I see
Are people Pretending to pretend to be
The things they really are.

Maybe you will see some spooky ghosts
Or zombies walking with the undead hosts
This Halloween there might just be
Some mummy men, or a skeleton.
But the undead walk on other days
They march along at a steady pace
Soulless crowds without a face
That come and go without a trace
Stone white ghosts in a hollow shell
Wading through their own private hell
Not quite sick, definitely not well
In a cloud of numbness that they can't dispell
Even if it is Halloween.

So what if it is Halloween?
I just can't see the difference.

- J. S. Guy

Even Nazi's celebrate Independance Day

2009-07-06T00:10:00.000-07:00

I went to a parade this weekend for Independence Day and I thought, if I had a float it would be covered in swastikas and there would be a number of militant Neo-Nazi's riding on it with one arm stretched out straight above their head and this giant stereo system would be blasting something by Pennywise or some other melodic hardcore band and there would be a giant banner that would say "WE'RE SORRY JEWS".

LAUGH OUT LOUD

2009-06-19T01:20:00.000-07:00

I think a funny way to kill someone would be to poison their babies with a lot of poison, so much poison that when you grind up their babies and put them in their meat balls it's poisonous and they die when they eat the meat balls. It would be a funny because meatballs make me think of that one song that goes "On top of spaghetti, all covered in cheese..." Remember that song? That's a funny song.

A dark future on the horizon

2008-09-22T23:25:00.000-07:00

No pun intended...

So with the election growing ever nearer I thought it would be important for me to learn a little bit more about the presidential candidates.

While they they agreed on some issues, like same sex marriage, and differed on others, like abortion, the most concerning thing that I discovered is that they both admitted to being "Christians"

Now for most of you this is probably an unfamiliar term as it was for me, but I did a little more digging and discovered that Christians share a primary belief in the teachings of "Jesus" and I was shocked to discover that not only did this Jesus die nearly 2,000 years ago, but HE WAS NOT EVEN AMERICAN!

Here is a short list of other people who weren't American: Karl Marx, Adolph Hitler, Yoko Ono.

THERE WILL NEVER BE A BETTER TIME TO VOTE FOR A THIRD PARTY CANDIDATE!

JUST SOME GUY'S HOT TIP #4

2008-09-01T09:50:00.000-07:00

The time a child spends at home is invaluable. It's a time for life lessons that will help children deal with the tough issues that they will face as adolescents and adults. But many parents nowadays are finding themselves too busy to spend the necessary amount of time with their children to help them develop into healthy, stable members of society. Luckily toy makers are coming to the rescue with toys that are designed to educate and inform children about major issues in the world around them.

Suicide Elmo, for example, is a toy developed by Tyco to help familiarize children with the warning signs of suicide.
Suicide Elmo says a variety of phrases. When you tickle him he says "I don't feel like laughing" when you squeeze his hand he randomly says one of three phrases "You don't play with me as much as you used to" "I've just been really tired lately" and "If anything ever happens to me I want you to have my iPod" Suicide Elmo also comes with a rope and noose, cyanide tablets, and a handgun.

Tyco expects this to be the hit toy of the Christmas season, rivaling their "Tickle me Elmo" of 1996 but Matel is trying to snag some of the social issues toy market with their own Suicide Bomber Barbie.This Barbie is fashionable and willing to die to stop the westernization of her culture. Iraqi Conflict Ken will pick her up in his stylish armored car but this time they aren't going out to dinner.

These toys as well as many others that we can be sure are on the way will ensure that our children grow up informed and ready to face complex social issues maturely even if we don't have the time to teach and guide them ourselves. So HOT TIP #4 is if you can't raise 'em buy something that can!

Growing up is hard to do.

2008-08-15T08:37:00.000-07:00

So I have this full time job, I've been working here like three weeks or so and I really enjoy it. It's tons of fun and they pay me to be here so who could ask for anything more right. Well this morning they passed around a card for everyone to sign for the C.E.O's assistant or something cause she has cancer. I have never met the lady but they wanted me to write her a message and sign her card. I sat there thinking about what I could possibly write to a person I've never met and still try to be sincere. Out of nowhere one of those crazy ideas came to mind, you know the kind, the ones where you think it is really funny but it is so socially unacceptable that you dismiss it immediately.

But then I couldn't think of anything else to write and the thought kept coming back to me. So I sat there really really wanting to write on this lady's card "Don't get F#@*ED by cancer!" and then sign my name. I even had to stand up and walk away from my desk and think about whether or not it was worth losing my job (as I almost certainly would have). In the end I decided that I should just write some pleasant little "hope you get well soon" garbage (garbage because it's totally meaningless, I don't hope she gets well soon. How can I, I don't know her. For all I know she is not even real) and signed my name illegibly because I was ashamed I put my name on something like that.

But I realized that I am becoming more responsible. I am growing up. I am losing my identity because it's more important for me to keep this job than it is for me to express myself in my own way. (Actually for me this is probably a much more positive thing than I just made it sound) My only consolation is that I can blog this and tell you all what I almost did instead of actually doing it.

Word on the street

2008-08-09T20:06:00.001-07:00

Here Kitty Kitty Kitty

2008-07-14T16:48:00.000-07:00

I Google Image Search-ed "tightrope walking music" and I guess the question is would you rather be a lion in a cage or a lion on a tightrope.

STOP INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY

2008-06-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

JUST SOME GUY'S HOT TIP #3

2008-06-24T12:15:00.000-07:00

Human beings take a drastic toll on the environment through their everyday actions. From releasing CO2 and other green house gases that are raising the earth's temperature, to ocean pollution and deforestation, the negative effects of humans on the earths delicate ecosystem can no longer be ignored.

The good news is that I have figured out a way to solve all of the environments problems in one easy step. If everyone on the earth were to take the life of just one other human being than the human threat to the environment would be completely neutralized.

Sounds to good to be true doesn't it? But it is, all that it would take to save our planet once and for all is for each of us to kill just one other person. Of course in many instances this will require some planning and careful timing, but together we can make a difference. Remember, the time for action is now! Stab your neighbor, Save the world!

Spam

2008-06-12T20:30:00.000-07:00

Here is an email I received recently

Dear Sir/Ma,

I am the only Daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs. Linus. My father was a highly reputable business magnet who operated in the capital of cote D' Ivoire during his days. It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad year 12th Febuary 2004.Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of his who travelled with him at that time. But God knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 6 years old and since then my father took me so special.

Before his death on Febuary 12 2004 he called the secretary who accompanied him to the hospital and told him that he has the sum of fifteen million, seven hundred thousand United State Dollar (USD$15.700,000)left in a box called consignment in one of the leading Security company in Africa. He further told him deposit that he deposited the money with my name, and finally issued a written instruction to his lawyer who he said is in possession of all the
necessary but legal documents to this fund and the bank. I am just a university undergraduate and really don't know what to do now. And also I am a deaf girl.

I need urgent assistant were this box funds will be delivered to you then you will deposit the whole money into your bank account after retriving the box money from the security company and after the transaction I will come and live with .This is because I have suffered alot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Cote d' Ivoire. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life and i wished to invested under your care please. I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistant in this regards.

Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to
ask this few questions:-
{1} Can you honestly help me .
{2} Can I completely trust ? .
{3}What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for
you after the money is in your account while i finalies my education?.

Kindly get back to me if you are interesting for allow me investing this funds to your company. I am looking forward to hear from you. I need your failtful assistant, please read this mail and get back to me immediately.I decided to investing the whole money into your company.

Please contact me on this my second emai: ritalinus@hotmail.fr

Thank you once again.

Yours Deafuly,
Miss Rita Linus

This is my reply

Dear Deaf Girl,

I could possibly be sorry for your predicament. Please send a head shot and at least 2 full body shots from different angles so that I can determine whether or not I care.

- Just S. Guy

I guess I just believe in balance

2008-05-30T17:50:00.000-07:00

So I was thinking that there ought to be organizations opposed to PETA. I don't mean like cattle ranchers or chicken farmers, I mean people who want to kill animals as much as PETA wants to save them. Not to eat them, not to hunt them, but to eradicate them because they hate them. I tried to find such an organization by google searching "extermination of all animals" and "animal genocide" but I couldn't find anything so then I posted this thread on a craigslist discussion board.I don't really hate animals, in fact I really like cats and some dogs once I get to know them. But I am just thinking that if there are people out there who want to exterminate blacks and say they are no better than monkeys, were are all the people who are trying to exterminate monkeys?

Not sure what I was expecting...

2008-05-21T23:13:00.000-07:00

I Google image searched "down syndrome hopscotch".

The results were boring as hell.

If you thought Abraham Lincoln was a great American hero before...

2008-05-18T12:03:00.001-07:00

Check out this poem published on August 25, 1838, in The Sangamo Journal of Springfield Illinois.

Here, where the lonely hooting owl
Sends forth his midnight moans,
Fierce wolves shall o’er my carcase growl,
Or buzzards pick my bones.

No fellow-man shall learn my fate,
Or where my ashes lie;
Unless by beasts drawn round their bait,
Or by the ravens’ cry.

Yes! I’ve resolved the deed to do,
And this the place to do it:
This heart I’ll rush a dagger through,
Though I in hell should rue it!

Hell! What is hell to one like me
Who pleasures never know;
By friends consigned to misery,
By hope deserted too?

To ease me of this power to think,
That through my bosom raves,
I’ll headlong leap from hell’s high brink,
And wallow in its waves.

Though devils yell, and burning chains
May waken long regret;
Their frightful screams, and piercing pains,
Will help me to forget.

Yes! I’m prepared, through endless night,
To take that fiery berth!
Think not with tales of hell to fright
Me, who am damn’d on earth!

Sweet steel! come forth from your sheath,
And glist’ning, speak your powers;
Rip up the organs of my breath,
And draw my blood in showers!

I strike! It quivers in that heart
Which drives me to this end;
I draw and kiss the bloody dart,
My last—my only friend!

Many experts believe that this poem was written by Brother Lincoln who seriously considered suicide at least two different times in his life.

I <3 Lincoln!

Vacation!

2008-05-15T16:46:00.001-07:00

I posted this on the ride board at a local university.

Who wouldn't hire me.

2008-05-12T23:57:00.000-07:00

Here is an excerpt from a cover letter I just sent.

"If I had to list my talents in order I would say that my greatest asset is my ability to find the humor in any situation, especially the death of a family member.
That was a joke.

I do have a love for life and I thrive off of life’s little jokes like HIV and Down Syndrome."

I hope I get the Job.

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

This reminded me of you because it touched my heart.

Some people are REALLY ticklish

2008-04-22T10:23:00.000-07:00

I Google image searched "dirty mom tickle" and this is what popped up:

Me? Bitter?

2008-04-16T00:53:00.000-07:00

So I saw and ambulance on my way home tonight and it inspired me to write this poem which I call:

I Saw an Ambulance on My Way Home Tonight

I saw an ambulance on my way home tonight
And all I could think was
Please, please, please...
Please let it be her.

Let it be her.
Let it be her with blood flowing.
Let it be her, wrists cut, neck broken.
Please, please, please...

- J. S. Guy

Then I wrote another poem which I called:

I Blew The Candles Out on The Cake and Wished That You Would Hang Yourself

I blew the candles out on the cake and wished
That you would hang yourself.
But even thinking of you like that
Made me feel like throwing up.
I'm so damn sick of knowing you're out there
Thinking, feeling, breathing.
I'll do it myself if I have to.

Eat sh@# and die Bi%$#,
Eat sh@# and die!

- J. S. Guy

Vanity

2008-04-10T14:57:00.000-07:00

I tried to order a vanity plate but apparently someone already had it.Needless to say I was really disappointed.

STOP INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY

2008-04-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

JUST SOME GUY'S HOT TIP #2

2008-03-31T12:32:00.000-07:00

Are you looking for a way to boost profits? Here is a suggestion that is sure to get any business in the black. Just copy an already successful industry. For example Hershey's has copied the wildly successful "Powdered Drug" industry's package design. This has been huge for Hershey's who has been able to introduce their new Icebreakers mint products to new markets that they never would have been able to reach otherwise. And buyers don't seem to have a problem with the packaging confusion. It could be mint candy or it could be sweet sweet cocaine, but either way they don't seem to mind. So if you really want to boost your profits find an already successful industry and copy them as much as possible. Just look at this great packaging concept for a new line of garden mulch: They are going to make millions!

No one ever listens untill it's too late

2008-03-29T15:35:00.000-07:00

I warned you here. But did anyone do anything about it? Apparently not as the growing bovine population has organized in several midwestern states to turn the tables on us. And not only have they started killing and eating humans, but because each pound of man flesh costs much less than the standard going rate for beef, they have even got us eating each other.

Our laxed approach to beef consumption got us into this mess. And now we're going to have to eat our way out.

Love conquers all

2008-03-29T13:15:00.000-07:00

Bi-racial couples used to be shunned by both black and white alike.
Many felt that it was inappropriate to date and marry outside your own race. But now minds are opening and most of society is realizing that those old ideas just aren't true......and we are finally beginning to accept the beauty of mixed-race families.This is a triumph for anyone that believes that love can overcome all obstacles.

JUST SOME GUY'S HOT TIP #1

2008-03-28T18:32:00.000-07:00

Looking for a birthday or holiday gift that is unique and useful? Get a coffin. Everybody needs one. Anniversary? Buy a mathced set. It's also great as an engagement gift for that special someone. Can you think of a better way to say "I want to be with you FOREVER."

When you find the one you want why wait until you actually need it. Funerals are only going to get more expensive, and buying a coffin upfront could save hundreds, possibly thouasnds of dollars. And the bonus is that untill it's time to be put in the ground, your coffin can serve as a decorative chest to hold blankets, children's toys, family keepsakes, or just about anything else you can imagine. I think you'll find that it is so handy that after your loved-one has been burried you'll want another coffin just to keep all your crap in.

Treats

2008-03-27T21:08:00.000-07:00

I haven't really eaten anything all day, except for some strawberry mini-wheats that I had this morning.I wish some handsome man would come feed me treats.

Target Market

2008-03-26T15:22:00.000-07:00

I posted a blog about how Africans are happy that they are more likely to get HIV. It was of course a joke. I received the following comment:

TV Digital said...: Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the TV Digital, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://tv-digital-brasil.blogspot.com. A hug.
Do you think it's possible that TV Digital didn't actually read the blog post? I do.

...Unless of course Brazilian digital TV salesmen think it's funny that Africans get HIV. That kind of would make sense.

STOP INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY

2008-03-26T15:17:00.001-07:00

The latest on HIV

2008-02-15T12:45:00.001-08:00

So my recent conversation with my friend about sexually transmitted diseases got me curious so i decided to do some more research. I started with a google image search.
Didn't learn much except that this kid is pumped he is an African because he is many times more likely to get HIV for his birth-day then any kid in America... lucky bastard.

Why does talking about sexually transmitted diseases always get akward?

2008-02-15T12:03:00.001-08:00

So I sent this heart as a valentine to a friend of mine and it sparked the following conversation

Katelin: why thank you for the valentines candy heart

me: oh no problem, i want to share hiv with everyone. I <3>

Katelin: yes, of course. Why not spread the cheer of HIV

me: exactly, the gift that keeps on giving

Katelin: ...until it kills you

me: ...yeah. I guess this is the one situation where re-gifting is ok.

me: speaking of sexually transmitting diseases, how was your valentines day?

She didn't say anything back...

Merry Christmas

2008-02-01T13:21:00.001-08:00

Ok, so i'm late. But better late than never. And check it out, i got you all an awesome gift.
That's right! It's a cat in a box. If you are anything like the rest of us, this is the one gift you always wanted but never got.

Blog-lonely Bologna

2008-01-17T11:33:00.001-08:00

So I started this blog right after I broke up with my girlfriend and I posted pretty regularly until we got back together. Then it was intermitent at best. Now we have broken up again and I have this unexplainable desire to blog again. Well maybe it is explainable. Maybe I just feel rejected and I am throwing "myself" out there with this blog hoping that someone will find me and accept me. So are bloggers all just lonely people searching for acceptance? Why aren't we out actually talking to each other and socializing like healthy adults? BLOGS - Just another way that technology seperates us at the same time it tricks us into thinking we are connected.

Remember when...

2007-11-28T12:27:00.000-08:00

KEEP US ON THE TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN!!!

2007-09-28T18:48:00.000-07:00

A long long time ago...

2007-09-07T00:22:00.000-07:00

So I just read Gilgamesh. That guy seemed pertty tight, He was all cut and hardcore and stuff. But then he just died in the end... wuss.

June showers

2007-06-16T23:38:00.000-07:00

So... sometimes when I go to parties I like to take showers. Especially when they are parties at big houses where rich people live. Throughout the years there have been three instances where I have been moved upon to shower during a party. They are as follows:

1. 2002, I had just come from a steamy dance party and I was sweaten heavy. I was at a large house for an end of the year party and I went to the bathroom. While in there I noticed that they had a shower and I thought to myself, five minutes and I could cure my sweatiness. Five minutes later I was fresh as a spring morning and no one ever new the difference.

2. 2007, I was hanging out with my little brother and his friends and we went to a party at a huge house up on the hill. While exploring the house with "Ben" we found a rarely visited wing of the house that had two guest bedrooms next to each other. Each of the bedrooms had bathrooms with showers. If I stood in one and Ben in the other we could talk to each other through the wall. I proposed a race. He accepted. The rules were that you had to wash everything that you normally washed in a shower. He won.

3. Last night, We went to a big party up on the hill next to the university. It was supposed to go until 2 in the morning but it had been shut down by the time when we got there at 1:15. We felt kind of jyped that we missed out on the party so a friend of mine and I went into the house to explore it. It was quite nice, and one thing it had was a bathroom with a large jacuzzi with all sorts of water spouts. We had just been hot tubbing and I wanted to wash off all of the chlorine, so I suggested we take a bath. We disrobed and hopped in. They had this wierd purple protein shampo that I used to wash my hair, and I was pretty happy with the results. After we were done we discovered that there was nothing to towell off with except the hand towell next to the sink and the rug on the floor. I used the handtowell. We were trying to be as quiet as possible but it was difficult to keep from laughing as I dried "myself" off with the handtowell that I imagined someone might be using later. Then we got dressed and raided their freezer for ice cream sandwiches.

If you have never showered at a party, I suggest that you try it. It has been some of the best times that I have ever had at parties.

STOP INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY

2007-06-15T11:46:00.000-07:00

Peppermint Patty

2007-06-11T23:23:00.000-07:00

So there was this girl that was at my house for a dance party like three months ago. I thought she was way cute so I tried to meet her. Somehow she managed to escape. Then she came back to my house like two other times and I even tried to have one of her friends introduce us but that still somehow failed. I then saw her at a party of a mutual friend and she still managed to evade me.

I was pretty sure that she wasn't avoiding me on purpose, that I just wasn't being forward enough, but then tonight I wet hot tubbing and she was there and I started trying to talk to her again, I had said something to her and she answered me and then all of a sudden this guy sitting next to me butts in with a comment. She looked at him and suddenly said "Hi I'm Emily" So he is there for two minutes and has already accomplished more than I have in three months.

Later I actually said to her "you know I haven't actually met you yet, but I have seen you around a bunch of times"

"Yeah you look familiar" she says, then suddenly she is distracted by someone else and I have still not met her.

Fast forward five minutes and I try again. I had overheard her use the term "Charlie Brown" as a euphemism for I'm not sure what. So I said "What's a Charlie Brown?"

She answered "There are two..." And again she was distracted.

I am beginning to think that her distractions were by choice. So I have still not met her. My goal now is to continue to almost meet her but never actually succeed because the more times it happens the funnier it gets. Well... either that, or I'm going to punch her right in the "Peppermint Patty". The jury's still out on that one.

Saving face

2007-06-08T01:18:00.000-07:00

So at this point I would like to apologize for my previous post, I won't delete it cause I like it, but I hope this post will redeem it somewhat. I felt like it was not respectful of sex. Ironically that is probably because I meant everything I said, so it was uncomfortable. Because of that I thought it would be good to share some of my thoughts on sex. SO... Becase making love is the pinnacle of the physical expression of love it should be elevated, it should be made special and sacred. During the act of sexual intercourse we come the closest to God's power that we ever will in life, we actually share in his power to create life. This is probably the most power that we will ever have in this life. So this is another reason it should be made sacred. Also sex is the culmination of powerful spiritual, emotional, and physical feelings that exist between a husband and wife. It unites them in more than one way, and is a way of renewing the promises they make to each other at marriage. So again, even when not procreating, sexual intercourse between a husband and wife should be a special, sacred thing. The more direct meaning we can give sex, by making it truly communitive of emotianal, spiitual, and physical love, the more we will elevate it and make it special and the more pleasure, fullfillment, and security it will give us.

Just joking

2007-06-08T00:49:00.000-07:00

So I use the term joking quite often. But for me it usually doesn't mean that what I said wasn't true. It usually means that it was true, but I thouht it was funny enough for me to actually come out and say it aganst my better judgement. Had it not been so funny I wouldn't of said it but I still would have thought it. For instance talking to a freind of mine and for some reason the phrase "I'd totaly do you" came out. And for some reason instead of luaghing it off she was like "wait are you serious?" and all of a sudden I didn't know what to do. Was I serious? I was definitely joking, but does that mean that it wasn't true? Cause I would totaly do her, or at least I would want to but becase I don't believe in premarital sex we would have to be married. So in a way I was totally serious so I wasn't sure if I was joking anymore, then I started feeling awkward. For some reason it is only ok for me to say exactly what I am thinking if people think that it is a joke, which it is, because if it wouldn't have been a joke I wouldn't have said it. Cyclical? Maybe. The important thing to remembner is that if we were marred i would totally do her... hard.

I'm Glad I'm a Boy, I'm Glad I'm a Girl

2007-06-03T12:48:00.001-07:00

So I was introduced to my favorite book in a class where my professor was trying to make the point about texts being a relic through which we can study the social atmosphere at the time the text was produced because several prevailing social attitudes will be present in the text. Anyway, that said the reason it is my favorite book is because i think that it is funny. So funny. It is a children's book and it is absolutely sexist. I am not sure if it is trying to make some sort of ironic point or if it is straightforward sexist. I guess you would have to know more about Whitney Darrow Jr. to answer that. I have a digital copy of all of the pages that I got by request from my professor, and one of my good good friends printed it up at Kinko's and made a pseudo book for me for my birthday, so if anyone wants to read it just let me know.

Or you can buy it on the internet for $249.95.

No, for reals that is the going rate. It's not everyday that you find a children's book that has increased in value about 50,000%.

By the way, it is called
I'm Glad I'm a Boy, I'm Glad I'm a Girl.

Pictures

2007-06-01T19:54:00.000-07:00

It has been three weeks since my incredible journey. I had some sweet pictures of my sunburned legs and of a rather gnarly blister on my toe but they were taken by my roommate and he refuses to give them to me until I start a blog. This is ironic since I already have a blog and I am actually writing on it right ...now!

That tramp!

2007-06-01T19:48:00.000-07:00

So just about an hour ago I was jumping on the trampoline and I landed on my back and one of the springs broke and shot me in the ribs. It hurt. But for some reason it just keeps hurting worse and worse. It wasn't that bad at first but then it slowly started bleeding (yeah that is weird) and now it is getting very swollen and tender. That is all.

Sunburn

2007-05-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

So my adventure is over. I made it. 64.2 miles in two days. 41.7 the first day and 22.5 the second day (according to google maps). I looked an awful lot like a homeless person in gym shorts. My feet hurt and my legs are very sunburned. Very sunburned. VERY.

The Trek

2007-05-09T12:13:00.000-07:00

So, one of my major goals for this summer was to make an incredible journey from whre I live now to my parents house about 70 miles away... on foot. This is true, I will be leaving on friday the 11th of May and arriving sometime on the 12th. CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY. That's what people keep telling me anyway. I can't believe the number of people who think that some sort of bodily harm is going to come to me, I mean it's not like I will be walking in the middle of the highway wearing a blindfold (although that could get intereseting) I am just going to be taking less traveled streets the whole way. And it won't exactly be through rough neighborhoods either, I will probably be more in danger of being invited to family diner in suburbia than of being shot in the head and having my brains drip down my face and tasting my own brains right before I die.

All this week I have been so excited to go on this adventure but then I kind of hurt my knee dancing and now I am less excited. I am still going though. I leave tomorrow. Wish me luck. Or don't, I don't care, I'll just sneak into your room at night and...

Last meal

2007-05-08T09:37:00.000-07:00

If you were about to be executed, what would you request as a last meal?

I would ask for a ceaser salad with crutons and feta cheese, homemade rolls, some raspberries, a large vegetarian pizza (with artichoke), 6 strips of bacon, fettuccine alfredo with chicken, some sauteed mushrooms, a spicey McChicken sandwich, 3 sausage patties, 3 pieces of french toast, a gallon of eggnog, 12 boiled eggs (in the spirit of Joey Lawrence), a chicken chimichanga, a whole watermelon, 3 filet mignons, a cut of dog (hell, I'm about to die, why not?), a baked potato with chili and sour cream, porcupine meatballs in gravy like my mom makes, a glass of O.J., and a little lamb. I think I would just take a bite of everything and waste the rest just to spite whoever was about to execute me. Exept for the porcupine meatballs in gravy, I would eat all of those. Also, I would request a fish burrito from Molcha Salsa, and some orange chicken. Oh and a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips... and a bottle of grape juice... and a number 6 from Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles... and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... with banana... and Paris Hilton.

Bars and tone

2007-04-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

One time when I was in high school I ruptured my spleen. It sucked. I had to be confined to bed for 3 weeks.Getting out of bed for the first time in three weeks is an adventure, believe me. Severe muscle atrophy would be one of the major setbacks of medically induced comas, but worth it I think (refer to my first post.) Then for another three weeks I was confined to the top floor of my house, no stairs allowed. Actually I guess that it didn't suck that bad. I got to miss six weeks of school and I got to stay up late every night and sit in our massage chair lazy-boy and watch late night TV. I had the late night schedule memorized for most of the channels. Some of the more notable programs were Martha Stewart Living which came on at 3 in the morning followed by The Nanny.

On a side note, the first thing I thought when I saw Fran Drescher in This is Spinal Tap is "Who did she have to sleep with to get that role?" not that she is a poor actress, just that that was the very first thing I thought.

Anyway after the Nanny I guess the network realized it was scraping the bottom of the barrel in television programming, so in order to preserve some sense of decency they just aired two hours of bars and tone before the morning news came on. Yes, good times indeed. I think I enjoy watching television much more when I am taking prescription pain killers. Of course I doubt there are many things I wouldn't enjoy more after a couple of Loritabs (Prescription drug abuse is illegal and morally wrong... and fun. But I don't do it because it is WRONG... and expensive. But the price doesn't make a difference because I wouldn't do it anyway... or would I? No, no I wouldn't.)

Anyway the point of this whole thing which I am getting to is this: Have you ever noticed that late at night they have a lot of commercials and infomercials for mechanical beds? You don't really ever see those on at normal hours of the day. They always say something like "Having trouble sleeping at night?" I imagine most of the poeple who are still awake late enough to see these comercials say something like "No, I am sleeping like a fraking baby. Dip shit."

So... I guess it is smart for the mechanical bed companies to advertise late, because they are hitting their target audience of poeple who can't sleep at night. I just think it is funny. That is all.

... Let's just say I am frugal

2007-04-18T17:10:00.000-07:00

So right now i am just killing time until 7 PM. That is when I am going to a free dinner. I could go do something else right now like watch a movie, read a book, write a story, or fix my own dinner, but instead I am writing this blog and checking the clock in the lower right hand of the computer screen every two minutes to see the progress of time. In case you were wondering it is moving slowly. Why am I doing this? Because I am going to get a free meal. It is surprising the lengths I would go to in order to get a free meal. I wonder just how much of my life has been spent planning around free meals. I love getting things for free. Is there anything better that free stuff? I enjoy hand-me-downs because I can look at other people and say "They had to pay for those clothes and I didn't... Losers."

Yes interesting that getting things for free makes me feel like I am better than other people. I used to go to the deli right before they closed and sometimes they would give me all of the food that they didn't sell during the day. It was awesome. I also pulled the same trick at the gas station near my house, they would give me all their day-old doughnuts. I think it is pretty safe to say that getting things for free is one of my favorite things in the world. I have often thought that I was genetically engineered to be a bum. So while I am feeling rather bored right now waiting for 7 o'clock to finally roll around, I know that it will be worth it to get a free meal. Hell yes it will.

Cinematic Gold

2007-04-17T00:11:00.000-07:00

If you were a movie genre what one would you be?

I would be an action-adventure western suspense... sci-fi musical... dramedy... sing-a-long. With fantasy elements... dramedic ones. Yes, with dramedic fantasy elements... and ocean sounds. Staring Gwyneth Paltrow and Mark Wahlberg... and Emilio Estevez, when he was in The Breakfast Club not when he was in Mighty Ducks. Rated PG-13 for drug use and sexual content, and intense dramatic elements... and porn.

Serious camel toe

2007-04-16T00:54:00.000-07:00

I google image-searched "camel toe."
This is what I found.

Learning can be fun

2007-04-16T00:13:00.000-07:00

I'm the kind of guy that thinks that learning can be fun. In fact I think it would be great if all games were educational in some way. There is a great game I really like to play with my female friends to help them learn the art of self defense. It helps them learn how to protect themselves when they walk the streets alone at night so they no longer have to live in fear but can stroll through rough neighborhoods with confidence.

The game is called Rape-Escape. Basically the idea is that I hide in the bushes until one of my female friends comes along at which point I jump out and try my best to rape them, while they try their best to escape. Now the object of the game is to escape being raped. If they do manage to escape the rape then they are awarded one point. If they are not able to escape then I receive one point. After the round is over we wait for a few nights before the second round begins. Each consecutive round is played the same way as the first and the first one to get five points wins the game.

In case you are wondering, I do not actually rape them. Why would I rape my friends? No no no. Play continues until the female either escapes or admits that, had I been an actual attacker, I could have raped and killed her. But I never actually do any raping or killing. Sometimes we can get caught up in the moment and I'll get maced or blood will be drawn, but that usually means an automatic time-out.