JUST SOME GUY'S HOT TIP #5

Let's face it: moving sucks. All those boxes, all that packing, all the tape and the effort and the hassle. Wouldn't it just be easier to leave all of your things in your old house and buy new things once you've moved in to a new house? Yes. It would. But some of you may be thinking, "Hold on, how can I afford all new things?" That is a good question, and it has an even better answer. HOT TIP #5 is ARSON! That's right, it's as easy as a "faulty" water heater and a good insurance policy. Perhaps you prefer a car fire in the garage. Or maybe tinfoil in the microwave is more your style. The important thing to remember is that with little to no personal effort you could be on your way to a brand new life.

Even if you haven't been planning on a move arson makes moving so easy anyone can do it. Everyone has something they want to move away from. Maybe you live in a Jewish neighborhood, or live you have some elderly parents nearby. Stop being annoyed and start living on your own terms, with arson. But wait, you say you like living where you are but you want the Jews, or the elderly parents to move? No problem. Arson can make anyone move. Better yet, wait until your elderly parents are sleeping and nail the door shut.

We both know they're just going to end up in a rest home, and who wants to deal with pesky rest home fees. Yuck! So remember, Just S. Guy's HOT TIP #5 - ARSON. It's just more convenient.

WHY WE WRITE

Why do we write*?

To see and to be seen
To love and to be loved
To know and to be known
We write that we may be one.

*paint, film, sculpt, dance, sing, carve, compose, draw, photograph, etc.

I Am a Special Kind of Coward

I am a special kind of coward

I have all the warm and soft bits
the bits that sing the songs,
and hug and kiss and love
and laugh laugh laugh
and do all the joyful dancing

and I have the wet and weighty bits
the bits that cry the tears
and hope and hurt and dream
and bleed bleed bleed
and do all the heavy longing

but I lack the nut-and-bolty bits
the bits that pay the bills
or earn or plan or save
or 8 to 5 to 8 to 5 to 8 to 5
or do all the busy marching

and here is where the fear begins
"the marching"
like maybe I'm just half a man
like all the juicy fleshy parts
but none of the skeleton

which is why I say I'm spineless

- J. S. Guy

I Just Can't See the Difference

So what if it is Halloween?
Don't really care about Halloween.
Everybody loves Halloween
But all I see
Are people pretending to pretend to be
The things they really are.

Maybe you will see some devil girls
With devil horns, and devil tails
Or perhaps you will see a sexy cat
Or a sexy nurse, or something worse.
But there are whores on other days
That barely dress and paint their face
Bitter hearts and bitter taste
Behind a mask of perfume and lace
Their lips are red, their eyes are black
And they can't get their virginity back
Even if it is Halloween.

So what if it is Halloween?
Don't really care about Halloween.
Cause all I see
Are people Pretending to pretend to be
The things they really are.

Maybe you will see some spooky ghosts
Or zombies walking with the undead hosts
This Halloween there might just be
Some mummy men, or a skeleton.
But the undead walk on other days
They march along at a steady pace
Soulless crowds without a face
That come and go without a trace
Stone white ghosts in a hollow shell
Wading through their own private hell
Not quite sick, definitely not well
In a cloud of numbness that they can't dispell
Even if it is Halloween.

So what if it is Halloween?
I just can't see the difference.

- J. S. Guy

Even Nazi's celebrate Independance Day

I went to a parade this weekend for Independence Day and I thought, if I had a float it would be covered in swastikas and there would be a number of militant Neo-Nazi's riding on it with one arm stretched out straight above their head and this giant stereo system would be blasting something by Pennywise or some other melodic hardcore band and there would be a giant banner that would say "WE'RE SORRY JEWS".

LAUGH OUT LOUD

I think a funny way to kill someone would be to poison their babies with a lot of poison, so much poison that when you grind up their babies and put them in their meat balls it's poisonous and they die when they eat the meat balls. It would be a funny because meatballs make me think of that one song that goes "On top of spaghetti, all covered in cheese..." Remember that song? That's a funny song.