LAUGH OUT LOUD

I think a funny way to kill someone would be to poison their babies with a lot of poison, so much poison that when you grind up their babies and put them in their meat balls it's poisonous and they die when they eat the meat balls. It would be a funny because meatballs make me think of that one song that goes "On top of spaghetti, all covered in cheese..." Remember that song? That's a funny song.

JUST SOME GUY'S HOT TIP #4

The time a child spends at home is invaluable. It's a time for life lessons that will help children deal with the tough issues that they will face as adolescents and adults. But many parents nowadays are finding themselves too busy to spend the necessary amount of time with their children to help them develop into healthy, stable members of society. Luckily toy makers are coming to the rescue with toys that are designed to educate and inform children about major issues in the world around them.

Suicide Elmo, for example, is a toy developed by Tyco to help familarize children with the warning signs of suicide.
Suicide Elmo says a variety of phrases. When you tickle him he says "I don't feel like laughing" when you squeeze his hand he randomly says one of three phrases "You don't play with me as much as you used to" "I've just been really tired lately" and "If anything ever happens to me I want you to have my iPod" Suicide Elmo also comes with a rope and noose, cyanide tablets, and a handgun.

Tyco expects this to be the hit toy of the Christmas season, rivaling their "Tickle me Elmo" of 1996 but Matel is tring to snag some of the social issues toy market with their own Suicide Bomber Barbie.This Barbie is fashionable and willing to die to stop the westernization of her culture. Iraqi Conflict Ken will pick her up in his stylish armored car but this time they aren't going out to dinner.

These toys as well as many others that we can be sure are on the way will ensure that our children grow up informed and ready to face complex social issues maturely even if we don't have the time to teach and guide them ourselves. So HOT TIP #4 is if you can't raise 'em buy something that can!

Growing up is hard to do.

So I have this full time job, I've been working here like three weeks or so and I really enjoy it. It's tons of fun and they pay me to be here so who could ask for anything more right. Well this morning they passed around a card for everyone to sign for the C.E.O's assistant or something cause she has cancer. I have never met the lady but they wanted me to write her a message and sign her card. I sat there thinking about what I could possibly write to a person I've never met and still try to be sincere. Out of nowhere one of those crazy ideas came to mind, you know the kind, the ones where you think it is really funny but it is so socially unacceptable that you dismiss it immediately.

But then I couldn't think of anything else to write and the thought kept coming back to me. So I sat there really really wanting to write on this lady's card "Don't get F#@*ED by cancer!" and then sign my name. I even had to stand up and walk away from my desk and think about whether or not it was worth losing my job (as I almost certainly would have). In the end I decided that I should just write some pleasant little "hope you get well soon" garbage (garbage because it's totally meaningless, I don't hope she gets well soon. How can I, I don't know her. For all I know she is not even real) and signed my name illegibly because I was ashamed I put my name on something like that.

But I realized that I am becoming more responsible. I am growing up. I am losing my identity because it's more important for me to keep this job than it is for me to express myself in my own way. (Actually for me this is probably a much more positive thing than I just made it sound) My only consolation is that I can blog this and tell you all what I almost did instead of actually doing it.

Word on the street

Here Kitty Kitty Kitty

I Google Image Search-ed "tightrope walking music" and I guess the question is would you rather be a lion in a cage or a lion on a tightrope.

STOP INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY

JUST SOME GUY'S HOT TIP #3

Human beings take a drastic toll on the environment through their everyday actions. From releasing CO2 and other green house gases that are raising the earth's temperature, to ocean pollution and deforestation, the negative effects of humans on the earths delicate ecosystem can no longer be ignored.

The good news is that I have figured out a way to solve all of the environments problems in one easy step. If everyone on the earth were to take the life of just one other human being than the human threat to the environment would be completely neutralized.

Sounds to good to be true doesn't it? But it is, all that it would take to save our planet once and for all is for each of us to kill just one other person. Of course in many instances this will require some planning and careful timing, but together we can make a difference. Remember, the time for action is now! Stab your neighbor, Save the world!