CENSORED

OK, so I publish some pretty darn horrible things. Like this. Or this. Or this. But even I edit myself sometimes. Some of the things are just too wrong for me to publish. Unfortunately they are also too funny (maybe just to me, because I am a terrible person) for me to not publish. So I thought I would save them up and then publish them as their own terrible post. So here it is.

FIVE THINGS THAT I HAVE CENSORED FROM MY BLOG

"Did you know the majority of Muslims aren't even white? So they should be killing themselves anyway." (Censored from this post.)

"Even a woman with all of her natural frailty and physical inadequacy, can still order her Blacks to put some more Jews in the fireplace." (Censored from this post... which I guess finally explains the title doesn't it?)


OK so this one needs some explaining. In this case it was the entire idea for the blogpost that was censored. You see one day I ate some apple slices that came in a plastic pouch (already a terrible idea) but then the thing is that I went poo later that day (or maybe the next) and the apples came out totally intact, other than having been bitten in half. I thought "Wow this is why you don't eat apples that have been packaged in a plastic pouch." slash "Wow I need to chew my food better." And then I grabbed a plastic cup and fished them out of the toilet. I intended to take a photo of them and blog this whole story but then I was like "Oh wait, actually I don't want people to know (even though this blog is anonymous) that I fish my undigested, highly processed, industrial produce out of the toilet and keep it on my desk at work." So I never did the post. But I did leave it on my desk for a long long time. (A month at least... I forgot it was there.)

This next one doesn't technically qualify as something I edited from my blog. It's something I edited from Facebook. But I still wanted to write it somewhere... So here it is.

One of my "friends" posted this:
Need a job in NYC. Who can help me out

I responded with this:
Is shooting yourself a job?

Except I didn't. I edited myself. Cause being mean to pretty girls you barely know is only cool if you have a good reason. And I decided that her being pretty was not a good reason. I am all grown up.