JUST SOME GUY'S HOT TIP #5

Let's face it: moving sucks. All those boxes, all that packing, all the tape and the effort and the hassle. Wouldn't it just be easier to leave all of your things in your old house and buy new things once you've moved in to a new house? Yes. It would. But some of you may be thinking, "Hold on, how can I afford all new things?" That is a good question, and it has an even better answer. HOT TIP #5 is ARSON! That's right, it's as easy as a "faulty" water heater and a good insurance policy. Perhaps you prefer a car fire in the garage. Or maybe tinfoil in the microwave is more your style. The important thing to remember is that with little to no personal effort you could be on your way to a brand new life.

Even if you haven't been planning on a move arson makes moving so easy anyone can do it. Everyone has something they want to move away from. Maybe you live in a Jewish neighborhood, or live you have some elderly parents nearby. Stop being annoyed and start living on your own terms, with arson. But wait, you say you like living where you are but you want the Jews, or the elderly parents to move? No problem. Arson can make anyone move. Better yet, wait until your elderly parents are sleeping and nail the door shut.

We both know they're just going to end up in a rest home, and who wants to deal with pesky rest home fees. Yuck! So remember, Just S. Guy's HOT TIP #5 - ARSON. It's just more convenient.

JUST SOME GUY'S HOT TIP #4

The time a child spends at home is invaluable. It's a time for life lessons that will help children deal with the tough issues that they will face as adolescents and adults. But many parents nowadays are finding themselves too busy to spend the necessary amount of time with their children to help them develop into healthy, stable members of society. Luckily toy makers are coming to the rescue with toys that are designed to educate and inform children about major issues in the world around them.

Suicide Elmo, for example, is a toy developed by Tyco to help familiarize children with the warning signs of suicide.
Suicide Elmo says a variety of phrases. When you tickle him he says "I don't feel like laughing" when you squeeze his hand he randomly says one of three phrases "You don't play with me as much as you used to" "I've just been really tired lately" and "If anything ever happens to me I want you to have my iPod" Suicide Elmo also comes with a rope and noose, cyanide tablets, and a handgun.

Tyco expects this to be the hit toy of the Christmas season, rivaling their "Tickle me Elmo" of 1996 but Matel is trying to snag some of the social issues toy market with their own Suicide Bomber Barbie.This Barbie is fashionable and willing to die to stop the westernization of her culture. Iraqi Conflict Ken will pick her up in his stylish armored car but this time they aren't going out to dinner.

These toys as well as many others that we can be sure are on the way will ensure that our children grow up informed and ready to face complex social issues maturely even if we don't have the time to teach and guide them ourselves. So HOT TIP #4 is if you can't raise 'em buy something that can!

JUST SOME GUY'S HOT TIP #3

Human beings take a drastic toll on the environment through their everyday actions. From releasing CO2 and other green house gases that are raising the earth's temperature, to ocean pollution and deforestation, the negative effects of humans on the earths delicate ecosystem can no longer be ignored.

The good news is that I have figured out a way to solve all of the environments problems in one easy step. If everyone on the earth were to take the life of just one other human being than the human threat to the environment would be completely neutralized.

Sounds to good to be true doesn't it? But it is, all that it would take to save our planet once and for all is for each of us to kill just one other person. Of course in many instances this will require some planning and careful timing, but together we can make a difference. Remember, the time for action is now! Stab your neighbor, Save the world!

JUST SOME GUY'S HOT TIP #2

Are you looking for a way to boost profits? Here is a suggestion that is sure to get any business in the black. Just copy an already successful industry. For example Hershey's has copied the wildly successful "Powdered Drug" industry's package design. This has been huge for Hershey's who has been able to introduce their new Icebreakers mint products to new markets that they never would have been able to reach otherwise. And buyers don't seem to have a problem with the packaging confusion. It could be mint candy or it could be sweet sweet cocaine, but either way they don't seem to mind. So if you really want to boost your profits find an already successful industry and copy them as much as possible. Just look at this great packaging concept for a new line of garden mulch: They are going to make millions!

JUST SOME GUY'S HOT TIP #1

Looking for a birthday or holiday gift that is unique and useful? Get a coffin. Everybody needs one. Anniversary? Buy a mathced set. It's also great as an engagement gift for that special someone. Can you think of a better way to say "I want to be with you FOREVER."

When you find the one you want why wait until you actually need it. Funerals are only going to get more expensive, and buying a coffin upfront could save hundreds, possibly thouasnds of dollars. And the bonus is that untill it's time to be put in the ground, your coffin can serve as a decorative chest to hold blankets, children's toys, family keepsakes, or just about anything else you can imagine. I think you'll find that it is so handy that after your loved-one has been burried you'll want another coffin just to keep all your crap in.