They don't make 'em like they used to.

Remember when the internet was young? I do. I remember the time when email wasn't a valid form of communication and if someone picked up the phone you would get disconnected.I remember having to wait for like 10 minutes for this picture to load one line at a time.






Worth it.






While I don't miss incredibly slow loading times or phone jack modems. The glory days of the internet did have a certain wonder to them. Everything was new, everything was special, we didn't need Youtube because we could spend hours watching gifs. gifs. and more gifs!

Way to go Youtube. You've robbed us of our sense of wonder.

JUST SOME GUY'S HOT TIP #5

Let's face it: moving sucks. All those boxes, all that packing, all the tape and the effort and the hassle. Wouldn't it just be easier to leave all of your things in your old house and buy new things once you've moved in to a new house? Yes. It would. But some of you may be thinking, "Hold on, how can I afford all new things?" That is a good question, and it has an even better answer. HOT TIP #5 is ARSON! That's right, it's as easy as a "faulty" water heater and a good insurance policy. Perhaps you prefer a car fire in the garage. Or maybe tinfoil in the microwave is more your style. The important thing to remember is that with little to no personal effort you could be on your way to a brand new life.

Even if you haven't been planning on a move arson makes moving so easy anyone can do it. Everyone has something they want to move away from. Maybe you live in a Jewish neighborhood, or live you have some elderly parents nearby. Stop being annoyed and start living on your own terms, with arson. But wait, you say you like living where you are but you want the Jews, or the elderly parents to move? No problem. Arson can make anyone move. Better yet, wait until your elderly parents are sleeping and nail the door shut.

We both know they're just going to end up in a rest home, and who wants to deal with pesky rest home fees. Yuck! So remember, Just S. Guy's HOT TIP #5 - ARSON. It's just more convenient.

June showers

So... sometimes when I go to parties I like to take showers. Especially when they are parties at big houses where rich people live. Throughout the years there have been three instances where I have been moved upon to shower during a party. They are as follows:

1. 2002, I had just come from a steamy dance party and I was sweaten heavy. I was at a large house for an end of the year party and I went to the bathroom. While in there I noticed that they had a shower and I thought to myself, five minutes and I could cure my sweatiness. Five minutes later I was fresh as a spring morning and no one ever new the difference.

2. 2007, I was hanging out with my little brother and his friends and we went to a party at a huge house up on the hill. While exploring the house with "Ben" we found a rarely visited wing of the house that had two guest bedrooms next to each other. Each of the bedrooms had bathrooms with showers. If I stood in one and Ben in the other we could talk to each other through the wall. I proposed a race. He accepted. The rules were that you had to wash everything that you normally washed in a shower. He won.

3. Last night, We went to a big party up on the hill next to the university. It was supposed to go until 2 in the morning but it had been shut down by the time when we got there at 1:15. We felt kind of jyped that we missed out on the party so a friend of mine and I went into the house to explore it. It was quite nice, and one thing it had was a bathroom with a large jacuzzi with all sorts of water spouts. We had just been hot tubbing and I wanted to wash off all of the chlorine, so I suggested we take a bath. We disrobed and hopped in. They had this wierd purple protein shampo that I used to wash my hair, and I was pretty happy with the results. After we were done we discovered that there was nothing to towell off with except the hand towell next to the sink and the rug on the floor. I used the handtowell. We were trying to be as quiet as possible but it was difficult to keep from laughing as I dried "myself" off with the handtowell that I imagined someone might be using later. Then we got dressed and raided their freezer for ice cream sandwiches.

If you have never showered at a party, I suggest that you try it. It has been some of the best times that I have ever had at parties.

Peppermint Patty

So there was this girl that was at my house for a dance party like three months ago. I thought she was way cute so I tried to meet her. Somehow she managed to escape. Then she came back to my house like two other times and I even tried to have one of her friends introduce us but that still somehow failed. I then saw her at a party of a mutual friend and she still managed to evade me.

I was pretty sure that she wasn't avoiding me on purpose, that I just wasn't being forward enough, but then tonight I wet hot tubbing and she was there and I started trying to talk to her again, I had said something to her and she answered me and then all of a sudden this guy sitting next to me butts in with a comment. She looked at him and suddenly said "Hi I'm Emily" So he is there for two minutes and has already accomplished more than I have in three months.

Later I actually said to her "you know I haven't actually met you yet, but I have seen you around a bunch of times"

"Yeah you look familiar" she says, then suddenly she is distracted by someone else and I have still not met her.

Fast forward five minutes and I try again. I had overheard her use the term "Charlie Brown" as a euphemism for I'm not sure what. So I said "What's a Charlie Brown?"

She answered "There are two..." And again she was distracted.

I am beginning to think that her distractions were by choice. So I have still not met her. My goal now is to continue to almost meet her but never actually succeed because the more times it happens the funnier it gets. Well... either that, or I'm going to punch her right in the "Peppermint Patty". The jury's still out on that one.