HOMOSEXULOL!

Get it?

Growing up is hard to do.

So I have this full time job, I've been working here like three weeks or so and I really enjoy it. It's tons of fun and they pay me to be here so who could ask for anything more right. Well this morning they passed around a card for everyone to sign for the C.E.O's assistant or something cause she has cancer. I have never met the lady but they wanted me to write her a message and sign her card. I sat there thinking about what I could possibly write to a person I've never met and still try to be sincere. Out of nowhere one of those crazy ideas came to mind, you know the kind, the ones where you think it is really funny but it is so socially unacceptable that you dismiss it immediately.

But then I couldn't think of anything else to write and the thought kept coming back to me. So I sat there really really wanting to write on this lady's card "Don't get F#@*ED by cancer!" and then sign my name. I even had to stand up and walk away from my desk and think about whether or not it was worth losing my job (as I almost certainly would have). In the end I decided that I should just write some pleasant little "hope you get well soon" garbage (garbage because it's totally meaningless, I don't hope she gets well soon. How can I, I don't know her. For all I know she is not even real) and signed my name illegibly because I was ashamed I put my name on something like that.

But I realized that I am becoming more responsible. I am growing up. I am losing my identity because it's more important for me to keep this job than it is for me to express myself in my own way. (Actually for me this is probably a much more positive thing than I just made it sound) My only consolation is that I can blog this and tell you all what I almost did instead of actually doing it.

Who wouldn't hire me.

Here is an excerpt from a cover letter I just sent.

"If I had to list my talents in order I would say that my greatest asset is my ability to find the humor in any situation, especially the death of a family member.
That was a joke.

I do have a love for life and I thrive off of life’s little jokes like HIV and Down Syndrome."

I hope I get the Job.

Just joking

So I use the term joking quite often. But for me it usually doesn't mean that what I said wasn't true. It usually means that it was true, but I thouht it was funny enough for me to actually come out and say it aganst my better judgement. Had it not been so funny I wouldn't of said it but I still would have thought it. For instance talking to a freind of mine and for some reason the phrase "I'd totaly do you" came out. And for some reason instead of luaghing it off she was like "wait are you serious?" and all of a sudden I didn't know what to do. Was I serious? I was definitely joking, but does that mean that it wasn't true? Cause I would totaly do her, or at least I would want to but becase I don't believe in premarital sex we would have to be married. So in a way I was totally serious so I wasn't sure if I was joking anymore, then I started feeling awkward. For some reason it is only ok for me to say exactly what I am thinking if people think that it is a joke, which it is, because if it wouldn't have been a joke I wouldn't have said it. Cyclical? Maybe. The important thing to remembner is that if we were marred i would totally do her... hard.