Things I almost said but never said.

The following is a list of things that I almost said to you but never said to you:

1. I love you.
2. I hate you.
3. Do you want to grab lunch.
4. I hope you get hit by a bus today.
5. Will you marry me, we will have beautiful children. We will name them Aurelie and Thomas. Thomas will have your hair and eyes and Aurelie will have my complexion. They will both learn to play classical instruments and put on concerts for us, and even though they will sound terrible we will applaud them and tell them they are wonderful. Aurelie will get hit by a car two weeks before her ninth birthday... BUT IT WILL ONLY BRING US CLOSER TOGETHER AS A FAMILY!
6. I'm not a rapist, I just crush a lot

The following is a list of things that I did say to you, but that you didn't hear because you were walking out the door of our apartment building:

1. Hi.

Vacation!

I posted this on the ride board at a local university.

Learning can be fun

I'm the kind of guy that thinks that learning can be fun. In fact I think it would be great if all games were educational in some way. There is a great game I really like to play with my female friends to help them learn the art of self defense. It helps them learn how to protect themselves when they walk the streets alone at night so they no longer have to live in fear but can stroll through rough neighborhoods with confidence.

The game is called Rape-Escape. Basically the idea is that I hide in the bushes until one of my female friends comes along at which point I jump out and try my best to rape them, while they try their best to escape. Now the object of the game is to escape being raped. If they do manage to escape the rape then they are awarded one point. If they are not able to escape then I receive one point. After the round is over we wait for a few nights before the second round begins. Each consecutive round is played the same way as the first and the first one to get five points wins the game.

In case you are wondering, I do not actually rape them. Why would I rape my friends? No no no. Play continues until the female either escapes or admits that, had I been an actual attacker, I could have raped and killed her. But I never actually do any raping or killing. Sometimes we can get caught up in the moment and I'll get maced or blood will be drawn, but that usually means an automatic time-out.