Growing up is hard to do.

So I have this full time job, I've been working here like three weeks or so and I really enjoy it. It's tons of fun and they pay me to be here so who could ask for anything more right. Well this morning they passed around a card for everyone to sign for the C.E.O's assistant or something cause she has cancer. I have never met the lady but they wanted me to write her a message and sign her card. I sat there thinking about what I could possibly write to a person I've never met and still try to be sincere. Out of nowhere one of those crazy ideas came to mind, you know the kind, the ones where you think it is really funny but it is so socially unacceptable that you dismiss it immediately.

But then I couldn't think of anything else to write and the thought kept coming back to me. So I sat there really really wanting to write on this lady's card "Don't get F#@*ED by cancer!" and then sign my name. I even had to stand up and walk away from my desk and think about whether or not it was worth losing my job (as I almost certainly would have). In the end I decided that I should just write some pleasant little "hope you get well soon" garbage (garbage because it's totally meaningless, I don't hope she gets well soon. How can I, I don't know her. For all I know she is not even real) and signed my name illegibly because I was ashamed I put my name on something like that.

But I realized that I am becoming more responsible. I am growing up. I am losing my identity because it's more important for me to keep this job than it is for me to express myself in my own way. (Actually for me this is probably a much more positive thing than I just made it sound) My only consolation is that I can blog this and tell you all what I almost did instead of actually doing it.

Ambitions

I have three major goals for this blog.

Goal 1: I hope that no one ever sees this blog or finds out who it belongs to. So if you do happen to read it please don't post anything so that I can keep telling myslef that no one has ever seen it. This is an annonymous blog, and not one of those fake ones like my friend has but he tells select people about and he posts pictures of himself on it. No no, this is a real anonymous blog. You will never know who it is. It makes it more exciting that way. If you were to find out who it was you would not care in the least. But as long as you don't know (if anyone were to ever actually read this which I hope they don't) then you will always be thinking: I wonder if this is my friend, or the person I have a crush on, or could it be someone famous. Is this even really a guy? You will never know and so it is mysterious. One might ask "If you don't want anyone to see it then why have a blog." Good question. I guess it is kind of like an online journal that I can write zany things in or use profanity. For some reason I don't feel comfortable writing those things in my paper journal. I guess cause I know someone might read that one day and I want it to be mostly quality stuff in there. The other question you might be asking is "If no one ever sees or reads this aren't you kind of talking to yourself right now." Yes, and it is kind of weird.

Goal 2: My second goal is to never write the "F word" on this blog. I resisted creating a blog for so long because I thought that I wouldn't be able to restrain myself from using the "F word" but then I just really wanted to write about comas so I created one anyway and now I have a blog and so I thought I would write out this as a goal because that would help make it easier to keep.

I find that I gain alot of clarity flossing naked in front of the mirror.

Goal 3: I want to keep my posts short. Because it will be faster to write them and because it will be faster to read. You my be thinking that I am just some self important guy that thinks that people will care what he writes on his annonymous blog that he hopes that no one actually reads. But the fact is that I am not important and I don't really have a whole lot of anything to say so I will try to keep my blogs short so that I don't waste your time or my time.

It's not that I actually want to kill myself, it's just that if I found out tomorrow that I had terminal cancer I wouldn't make a big deal of it.

So those are my goals. I will add more as things go along and then maybe I will change the ones that I already have, or rearrange thier order. I just put drugs as one of the labels for this post even though it has nothing to do with drugs except for me saying that I put it as one of the labels even though it wasn't in this blog at all.

so yeah...